Mom demands ex-husband takes 4-year-old son with different partner on vacation with long-distance girlfriend and kids, gets upset when they don't want to take him: 'The kids don't want to babysit on all our trips'

Boundaries are important in blended families.

When people break up, pursue new relationships, and have children with different partners, there is a lot of potential for the family dynamics to become extra complicated. It can be difficult enough to keep the peace in a typical two-parent family with 2.3 kids, so when things get more elaborate than that, organization and clear communication are more important than ever.

Unfortunately, things do not work out like that for many people in these situations. When the needs of so many have to be taken into consideration, and not everybody is always on good terms with one another, disagreements can quickly arise. 

It is common for the topic of childcare to be particularly controversial. Who takes the kids and when often ends up being a way to air out other resentments, or is used in a way that does not benefit any of the children involved.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • a young boy smiles while standing in a pale colored room
    via Demid Druz

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • In this story, a woman found herself frustrated as the ex-wife of her long-distance partner insisted on her young son with a different father joining them on their annual vacation with all of their teenage kids. The couple only got to spend this time together once a year, and their teenage kids complained of having to babysit when the 4-year-old joined them on their holidays.

    Her partner had talked to his ex before about not taking the boy on every outing they did, but this had upset her. She felt that would mean that her youngest child was being left out. The woman felt frustrated about the situation that was unfolding, and wanted to know if she was being unreasonable by trying to exclude the child this time.

  • Is it unfair to not include my partner’s ex’s child on our family trips?

    I (F, 42) have been dating Ben (M, 41) for the last 6 years. He lives across the country, and because we both have kids with our ex- spouses, neither of us can move. I have two children with my ex-husband, and he has three with his ex-wife.
    via [deleted]
  • Ben's ex-wife, Jessica (F, 39), met someone after their divorce and got pregnant very quickly. They tried to make the relationship work, but it didn't, and now she shares custody of that child, Jackson, with her ex. Jessica and Ben co-parent well, and she and I are friendly. My kids and their kids get along great since they're all around the same age (teens).
    via [deleted]
  • The problem is that every time I visit and we plan any kind of outing, Jessica sends Jackson with us. Once or twice would be fine, but it happens every single time. The teens end up babysitting Jackson the whole time. My kids aren't happy, and his kids have told mine that they don't want to babysit a 4 old on all our trips.
    via [deleted]
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  • four young teenagers sitting outside on a sunny day eating ice creams
    via Leire Cavia (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Now we're planning a Christmas trip to GWL, and Jessica has already texted in the group chat saying Jackson is "so excited" for this trip. When I asked Ben, he said she heard from the kids. Ben has talked to her before, but she gets upset and says she doesn't want Jackson to
    via [deleted]
  • feel left out. Ben reminded her that Jackson has a very involved dad, but Jessica insists it's different! she says it's sad if all his siblings go somewhere fun and he's the only one left behind. She cries and ends up sending him with us.
    via [deleted]
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  • Long distance relationships are already hard, and we only get limited time together each year. Am I being a jerk for not wanting her child included in all of our family trips?
    via [deleted]
  • a woman smiles with pursed lips as she sits on a couch and looks at her phone
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • frozenbroccolis No you're not because his half siblings don't want him invited. You have a big problem with your BF though that he can't establish boundaries with his ex. Her child by another person is not his responsibility but as long as he keeps allowing it you have a problem
    via frozenbroccolis
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  • Zestyclose-Custard-2 You aren't being a jerk, but I think you are misdirecting your ire. Every time Ben has to choose between disappointing his ex or disappointing his three children, his new girlfriend and her two children, he decides to disappoint his three children, his new girlfriend and her two children. I think that's where your focus should be.
    via Zestyclose-Custard-2
  • Vestiel NTA it's time for hard and difficult boundaries talk. The kids complain about having to be babysitter. They deserve their time and happiness too. Tell Ben to finally grow a pair and say he won't take the kid. Also he should speak to his ex about not sending their kids to Jackson's father too since they end up being babysitters there too.
    via Vestiel
  • GhostLeopard_666 She should ask first because she is creating an unfair situation, not you or Ben. Why cant jacksons dad take him places? Its almost like she is trying to be difficult, has she always been this bad or only since she has had jackson?
    via GhostLeopard_666
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  • Just-Fix-2657 No. He's not your or your SO's responsibility to take out and entertain. Stop doing it. He's got mom and dad's family that can take him to do fun stuff. You need to set the boundary and hold it.
    via Just-Fix-2657
  • Extra_Bedroom_6941 As long as she's allowed to push her 4 year old child off on you all she will. Your boyfriend needs to advise Jennifer that Jackson will have to sit this trip out so the older children can enjoy
    via Extra_Bedroom_6941
  • curiousblondwonders Its unfair for your BF to be enabling this rather than putting his foot down. "NO it's will not be taking him. Hes not my child. I have not say over anything with him- legally, medically, and even parental." Thats all that need to be said. Of course shes gonna claim he cries because he probably does and she refuses to admit its a result of her choices.
    via curiousblondwonders
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  • thisisstupid- No you're not wrong and he needs to put his foot down, that's not his child not his responsibility. I would ask the children how much babysitting they're doing at home, my guess is she is pushing most of the work off on them.
    via thisisstupid-
  • Horror-Reveal7618 It's going to be a lot sadder when the kid's sibling want nothing to do with him because their mother kept pushing him down their throat and making him their responsibility when they were supposed to have fun.
    via Horror-Reveal7618
  • wishingforarainyday NTA. She's just using you for free babysitter. Your bf needs to respect the older kids and that they need a break. He needs to tell her no.
    via wishingforarainyday
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  • res06myi She's using you two as free babysitting. Neither of you are that child's parent, which could present serious issues if there's an emergency. Ben needs to say no. Firmly. It has nothing to do with Jackson being left out. Four year olds are always left out of teenager activities.
    via res06myi

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